Death Comes and Rests So Heavy

There is one way that I've always felt connected to nature - and that is through the cycle of life and death. Having worked for hospice for over a year, I came to believe that death is a meaningful part of our journey and I still believe that. As a Christian I also see that the cycle of life, death, and rebirth happens for us daily as we celebrate Easter throughout the year. I believe that no matter what one has done or who one has been, each new morning, each spring, provides possibility for new life and transformation.

All of that is fine but yesterday a good friend of mine died after a long struggle with cancer. My beliefs are hitting me smack dab in the face today. I didn't want him to die. It breaks my heart that he is gone. If I really believe in new life, what do I believe the next part of his journey to be? Unfortunately, this is not the post of answers. This is the post of mourning and sadness.

I'm writing this in this blog because I am feeling that getting outside may be a step in my process of grief. I'm feeling drawn to the sun and hoping that the scent and color of the lilacs out back might provide me some comfort. I have twice visited the Botanical Gardens in Des Moines with my friend Johnny and so I understand the beauty of nature to be an important part of our relationship. Perhaps the flowers that we saw together are in some way connected - as we are all connected - to the flowers I find in my yard.

I'm writing this before I go outside today because I so badly don't want to be wrong. I'm going out with a sense of hope that there is comfort in the color purple, that there is peace in the flowering tree. I'm going outside to say a little prayer for Johnny and his boys and his family. That wherever they are there will be comfort for them, too. That peace will be a part of their experience.

For now, death rests heavy on my heart. Goodbye my friend. May the earth welcome you home.